Well Spring Break is over and we're back to school with about 10% functionality of our brains and livers. After 3 gallons of tequila, 2 cases of Coronas, and the most nauseous flight back from Cabo in history, we have sworn off drinking for the rest of our lives... Now we all know we're not sticking to that, so when you do hit the bar this weekend, make sure to act right. The amnesty of Spring Break is over, so no more dancing on the bar and chugging out of the bottles (unless its a special occasion like a birthday. Or graduation. Or flag day.) But how do I know how to I go out and not act the fool, you ask? Well lucky for you boys and girls, I have published here in these pages of this wonderful blog, your comportment guide to bar-time bliss.

In 1300 B.C. God bestowed upon Moses the 10 Commandments in order to teach His children how to live a good life in His eyes. What isn't laid out in the Bible though, is what happened after that. In 1299 B.C. God called upon Moses's younger brother, Broses, to fill in the gaps that the first 10 missed. What follows is what Broses brought to the drunks of Egypt's pubs. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The 10 Commandments of The Bar.

I. Thou shalt not start your drink order by asking, "How much is...?" It makes you look cheap, and the girls as well as the bartender will avoid you.

II. Thou shalt not take a picture of your drink. EXCEPTION: It's on fire.

III. Thou shalt not wave your credit card to get the attention of the bartender. Be-eth not a douche.

IV. Thou shall refrain from texting, unless arranging to meet a friend out later that night.

V. Thou shalt not proclaim to the whole bar that your group is taking shots. It's really not that cool.

VI. Thou shalt not sing the following songs at karaoke: "Bohemian Rhapsody," "Baby Got Back," and "Fuck Her Gently."

VII. Thou shall immediately get the hell away from the bar after ordering your drink if there is a line behind you.

VIII. Thou shall abide by the following formula when tipping:

$ = 1 + (.50n)^c - 1x

(where "n" is the number of ingredients in the cocktail)

(where "c" is the bartender's "cool factor" 0 = dude is a dick. 1 = average. 2 = pored extra booze in the glass. 3 = Tom Cruise in Cocktail.)

(where "x" is the number of times the bartender made eye-contact with you but then ignored you to serve the hot girl first.)

IX. Thou shalt not ask the bartender to take you and your friends' picture. EXCEPTION: Someone famous walked in and you don't have the arm-length for a "selfie-style" shot. COROLLARY: Said celebrity must be on a level of Zach Galifinakis or higher.

X. Thou shalt not wear a flat-brim hat. Sorry dude, but I'm sure there is a frat party somewhere that is a better fit for you.